Though entirely unrelated to bags, I still found this image interesting enough to share with you. As seen at the Cia.Maritima fashion week SWIM show in Miami.
Plenty of accessories get attention during runway shows. However, it’s not just style accessories that are appearing on the catwalk; it’s household accessories that want in as well. German cookware company Fissler recently staged a Tokyo show where models showed off Fissler products, wearing dresses decorated with eggbeaters and flatware. You know Lady Gaga is pissed that she didn’t think of this first.
Also, this is perfect material for a future Project Runway challenge. I still remember loving that dress that Michael Knight made out of coffee filters.
Sure — I know what you’re thinking. That happens all the time — see 9 out of 10 runway looks. But the phenomenon of models modeling clothes that we are supposed to buy, but would look like confused hippos if we actually put on, is that much more infuriating when what they’re wearing isn’t some crazy Karl Lagerfeld runway concoction that no one would actually ever wear, but a daytime dress, say, or a summer frock, that’s supposed to be a staple but really only works when you’re 5′11 and 95 pounds.
This issue comes up frequently during the summer, at least for me. Flipping the pages of a fashion magazine, I’ll think to myself, now that’s a cute dress, and doesn’t that look lightweight — what a pleasure that would be to wear in the hot summer months. The next thing you know I’m in Target, and I see the knock-off that I can actually afford. I’ll just try it on real quick, I say to myself, even though I only have about 10 minutes to spend in Target to find a gift for my friend’s birthday party that I’m on my way to.
Well, fast forward 45 minutes, I’m sweating in the Target dressing room after having tried on 12 dresses in 18 different sizes and 400 different styles, none of which look anything like the lithe model I saw just days ago. And I still haven’t found a gift for my friend.
I can’t tell you how many times this has happened. And it’s not so much that I’m under any delusions that I have the same body type as a runway model — but when dresses like the one featured at right pop up in magazines, one thinks that one can pull it off regardless of what size one is, and one is often, unfortunately, wrong. And it is aggravating. And really, there’s no amount of self-talk that can prevent it from happening again, and again, and again. In fact, I think I’ll go try to find that one right now.
Wow, what a build-up! And what a flaming, spiraling disappointment. All last week, I was wondering what could possibly have gone down at Fashion Week that would cause Danielle’s daughter, Christine, to be escorted off the runway after her first walk. Did she fall? No, despite producer’s best efforts to make us think that she would by showing someone waxing down the stage and devoting several minutes to her putting 8-inch shoes on. Did Danielle get in a fist-fight with 9-months pregnant Teresa? No, in fact Danielle for the first time exhibited good behavior during the fashion show by getting the fuck away from Christine for a minute. So what went down?
Christine felt nauseous. After 20 minutes standing up on a catwalk. I would have felt nauseous too. I probably, actually, would have sat down on the side of the runway. And that’s why I’m not a model.
But it’s not about me. Christine, it turns out after all this, did a fine job in the show. She may even actually have a career ahead of her. But! That doesn’t mean that Danielle now gets a good parenting award. Nor does it mean that any of the Housewives or their husbands do. Because this week, it seems. we’ve confirmed what the show is slowly devolving into — Real Housewives: Lessons in Fucking Up Your Kids.
Let’s begin with what we learned about why Gia, Teresa’s 8-year-old daughter, is the way she is. You know you’ve got a problem on your hands when your kid struts around the house, says she’s “too pretty to work,” and is anti-semitic. And it’s at that moment that some parents might reflect back, and wonder, “Could any of this be — and I’m just going out on a limb here– because I tease her by calling her ugly repeatedly, and increase the teasing and also impose threats when she starts to cry?”
It’s a question that Joe, Teresa’s beefcake husband, might consider asking himself. As they’re driving to Fashion Week, where Gia is going to walk, Joe, the 12-year-old in a cow’s body, tells Gia that she’s going to have to walk down the “ugly stage.” When she starts to cry, he tells her, “You look ridiculous.” Teresa, ever the compassionate one, tells her to “stop” and that “Daddy’s only teasing.”
You might be a guy’s guy, Joe, but you should still know the difference between your 40-year-old, poorly-aged drinking buddies who think it’s funny when you call them ugly, and Gia, your 8-year-old daughter, who has pretty clearly already learned that her value is in her looks.
Anyway, Gia did look adorable walking down the runway, and for once Caroline had something nice to say when she went backstage and complimented her little niece on a job well done. Although, side note, Caroline — I know that this may be an emotion you’ve never experienced before, but generally the term for getting choked up with happiness is a “lump in my throat,” not a “lump in my heart.” It’s not a bullet, it’s joy.
In other, non-parenting news, did anyone else catch the attitude going from Jacqueline towards Teresa? I think that Jacqueline, our little murderous-rampage-waiting-to-happen, has finally found a target on which to practice being condescending. If she’s honing her skills to go up against Caroline, it’s going to take some time and some practice — but she got off to a good start. First she shamed Teresa for even going to Fashion Week in her condition (9 months pregnant), and she went on to double-shame her for wearing 5-inch stilettos. Teresa seemed to not notice any of it, but at the end of the day it’s hard to really know if Teresa notices anything at all. Perhaps now we know what Dina was talking about when she casually mentioned that some people use Xanax to get through the day.
Anyway, here’s hoping that next week brings a plotline other than Danielle and the development of psychological problems in children (at least they have it documented so they can be reimbursed for therapy one day).
Other things we learned this week:
Dina is not just crazy-quiet, she’s cultivating her crazy-quiet by working with a Zen master, Zen Jen, who just quadrupled her business.
Cantaloupe and chocolate are available backstage at fashion shows. Delicious. I’ll eat it if you’re not going to.
Jacqueline is the only exception to the bad-parenting rule. Sure, her daughter’s acting up, but she’s the only one capable of having a conversation with her children that deals with emotions, which we see when she asks her son how he feels about Mommy fighting with Ashley. Adorable, and good for you, Jacqueline. I wish you ran shit!
Mockumentary on the modeling and fashion world titled The Runway Diaries. Considering there was a budget of $0 and had about one day to film, I think it turned out okay. It is for my final project in a college production class….
